Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
