if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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