Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
