why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
