So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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