life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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