What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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