I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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