I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
