Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
