i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
