Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
