THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
