Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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