I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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