we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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