fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm really busy with my period
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