some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's even glitter on my cock...
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