We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
