i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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