when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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