If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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