Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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