Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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