just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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