just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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