how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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