cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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