At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's not a foreskin expert like you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
