Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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