Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
