dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
