OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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