Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.