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• (301): View more from Maryland

  There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  What a good friend

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• (323): View more from California

  If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (415): View more from California

  Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted

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• (716): View more from New York

  So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Shame tastes like burnetts and latex

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  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.

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• (408): View more from California

  that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  ... drunk me broke the coffee table?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.

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