i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.