Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...