so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help