just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?