I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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