Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
