i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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