Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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