I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today