I think about you every night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared