no, he came in my armpit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
