I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she looked like the before picture.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?