I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.