i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...