Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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