Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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