Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
