who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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