Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm really busy with my period
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
