I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
