who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
