I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
