One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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