how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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