sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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