You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
