i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my shit smells like andre
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
