I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
