I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize