Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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