Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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