I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
