the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
