He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
