would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
