Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
